Do You Have A Problem With Forgiveness?
Do You Have A Problem With Forgiveness?
Anyone who’s in a leadership position understands that it’s a lot easier to talk about forgiveness than it is to actually do it.
In fact, philosophers and theologians have waxed eloquently about the importance of forgiving others for centuries. Yet despite the mountains of information published on this topic, it’s still one of the hardest things for a leader to accomplish.
So, do you have a problem with forgiveness?
Take the Quiz
Here’s a quick quiz that was previously published by the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California-Berkely. We’ve found this quiz to be particularly useful in helping leaders assess whether or not they have a problem with forgiving others.
Here’s how the quiz works.
Drawing on a 12-item scale created by pioneering forgiveness researcher Michael McCullough and his colleagues, this quiz allows you to examine some very sensitive behaviors.
Here’s how it works.
Think about someone (e.g., a friend, a spouse, a family member, a co-worker) who has hurt you. Then respond as honestly as possible to the following 12 questions with that person in mind, indicating how much you agree or disagree with each statement.
1. I’ll make them pay.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
2. I keep as much distance between me and that person as possible.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
3. Deep down, I hope that something bad will happen to them.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
4. I live as if they don’t exist or aren’t around.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
5. I won’t trust them any longer.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
6. I want them to get what they deserve.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
7. I find it difficult to act warmly toward them.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
8. I avoid them.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
9. I make it a point to get even.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
10. I cut off the relationship with them.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
11. I want to see them hurt and miserable.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
12. I make it a point to withdraw from them.
- Strongly Disagree
- Disagree
- Neutral
- Agree
- Strongly Agree
Here’s What Your Answers Mean
Obviously, the more strongly you agree with the above items, the more you struggle with forgiving others.
And this is where the work begins.
Remember: the primary problem with not forgiving others is that it can significantly harm your own mental and emotional well-being by causing you to carry around anger, resentment, and bitterness. This, in turn, can lead to stress, depression, anxiety, and even physical health issues.
Refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
In other words, by not forgiving others, you are essentially “poisoning” yourself by dwelling on past hurts instead of moving forward.
But there’s more.
As someone who’s in a leadership position, your inability to forgive can create a toxic work environment by fostering resentment, anger, and distrust among team members. This, in turn, erodes collaboration, creativity, and overall productivity. Ultimately, this spells disaster and will prevent your team from reaching its full potential.
To learn more about this quiz and to dig deeper, we encourage you to visit the Berkely Science Center for the Greater Good.
Leading With Light
Forgiving others is a critical part of the Leading with Light framework. And, as you can see from taking the quiz, it’s a lot harder than it looks.
To help you be more successful in this area, we will present some terrific evidence-based strategies that are guaranteed to help you fuel forgiveness and reduce resentment in our next post.
Until then, see light, be light and spread light.
Until Next Time...
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What Most Nonprofit Board Members Get Wrong
It’s a fact.
As a board member, you bring a lot to the table.
Your experience, your reputation in the community, and your ability to connect with others all create a unique opportunity for you to be an important part of group that takes an organization from good to great.
And while routine board duties like developing the annual budget, monitoring the financials, and overseeing the external audit are important activities (insert yawn here), what your CEO really wants from you is for you to help them dream BIG.
That’s right.
Your charity’s CEO wants you—as their trusted board partner—to be a co-creator in envisioning a better, brighter, bigger, and more impactful tomorrow for your nonprofit.
They want you to come to meetings energized.
They want you to come to meetings with an eye on the future. They want you to be looking around corners. They want you to press the limits on what’s really possible.
In a nutshell, they want you to dream BIG.
This is what your charity’s CEO really wants from you.
Not convinced?
In a fascinating study entitled “What Nonprofit Executives Really Want and What They Actually Get from their Board Members,” researchers found that the vast majority of board members believe the CEO wants assistance in overseeing the mandatory red tape that goes along with operating a nonprofit.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong.
While these are all important activities, researchers found that what nonprofit CEOs really want from their board members is help with creating a better tomorrow.
They want help with envisioning a breathtaking future—one that changes lives and transforms organizations.
They want help with envisioning a future where the charity grows by leaps and bounds.
They want help with envisioning a future where the nonprofit achieves “best-in-class” status.
The Undeniable Power of THANK YOU
Two simple words: Thank You.
It costs you nothing to say them.
And when you do, these two words have the power to set hearts ablaze.
They have the power to build bridges. They have the power to ignite life-changing energy. They have the power to create things that last.
Yet, without them, it can cost you everything.
As simple as all this sounds, it’s heartbreaking to know that a significant percentage of donors never receive a prompt, heartfelt thank you.
In fact, a 2024 EverTrue report showed that a stunning 58% of first-time donors do NOT receive a follow-up interaction after their first gift.
58%. Ouch.
And this is where your board members can play a meaningful role in taking your nonprofit to the next level.
About Lead with Light
Lead with Light is an initiative that aims to equip current and emerging leaders with a reimagined approach to servant leadership.
Our ultimate vision is to grow and develop thousands of Leaders of Light to ignite a movement to see light, be light, and spread light in ways only each can.
