SUMMARY
This newsletter suggest that when a board meeting hits a contentious topic, the best strategy is to “lean in” and offers four “perfect prefaces” to open tough conversations without triggering defensiveness. Using these phrases builds trust, creates a safe space, and leads to better outcomes, turning potential conflict into collaborative problem-solving.
Everything is Going Great, Until It's Not
We’ve all been there.
Your board meeting is going just as you planned it.
You are sliding through your agenda like a hot knife through butter.
Everyone’s engaged.
People are having fun.
All is right with the world.
You think to yourself, “Man, I’m getting good at this!”
And then it happens.
You come to that one specific topic (and yes, in every nonprofit there’s always THAT ONE specific topic…aaargh!) where people hold differing opinions—and it’s guaranteed to open a serious can of worms.
Maybe it’s a project that isn’t going as planned. Maybe it’s your donor retention rate. Maybe it’s outdated information on your website. Maybe it’s a lack of administrative follow-through.
Whatever the issue is, it suddenly comes out of nowhere.
And now, if you don’t act fast, the rest of your meeting could quickly get away from you.
So, here’s the $64,000 question.
What’s the best (only) way to handle this?
Let’s dive in.
The One Strategy Guaranteed to Tame a Tough Conversation
Believe it or not, years of research and decades of practical experience reveal that there’s really only one way to satisfactorily respond to this kind of situation.
...coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.
And here it is.
LEAN IN.
In fact, if you do anything other than lean in, you’re probably not going to solve the issue in a functional and healthy way—at least not in a group environment. What’s more, when it comes to the task at hand, if you don’t lean in, you’ll have zero chance of finishing your meeting with efficiency, grace, and maybe even a smattering of panache.
So, what does it really mean to “lean in”?
By definition, to “lean in” carries with it the idea of becoming very involved and/or making a serious effort to rectify a disagreement.
Said differently, to “lean in” means to thoughtfully invite the other person(s) into the conversation with the idea of promoting an equal exchange so that you can tackle the problem together.
And when you do this, not only are you fostering a safe space, but you are also showing the other person that you care about their perspectives and opinions.
Four Perfect Prefaces to Tame Tough Talk
If you want to de-escalate a potentially acrimonious situation (and solidify a friendship in the process!), here are four ways to “lean in” when the talking gets tough.
Perfect Preface #1:
“I’m so glad you brought this up. This is an issue I’ve been wrestling with for some time. Let’s take some time right now and talk about this.”
Perfect Preface #2:
“It looks like this is an important issue for you—I share your concern! Let’s see if we can get to the bottom of this.”
Perfect Preface #3:
“I know this can be uncomfortable. But I would love it if you could help me understand how you are seeing this. Tell me more.”
Perfect Preface #4:
“Seriously, you don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings. I really want to hear what’s on your mind.”
Here’s the deal.
By beginning a courageous conversation with one of these perfect prefaces, you are letting the other person know that not only are you ready to have a conversation, but that you want to work collaboratively to find solutions!
Extraordinary Impact
There’s no doubt about it.
“Leaning in” is a game-changing strategy.
Because of this, you need to know the four perfect prefaces by heart.
In fact, if you master them, you will never find yourself in a situation that’s too tough to handle.
What’s more, if you deploy these simple sentences at the right time:
You’ll prevent defensiveness: Instead of being put on the spot, you can engage the other person and reduce the chances of either of you becoming defensive and/or shutting down.
You’ll create an equal exchange: Framing it as a “discussion” or “dialogue” implies that both of you will participate, rather than just one person “going off” and the other expected to react.
You’ll build trust: By asking someone to have a conversation (and inviting them to share their perspective), it shows respect and a genuine desire to understand and work through the issue together, building trust in the long run.
You’ll foster a safe space: By prefacing your conversation with one of these four statements, you are establishing a respectful environment where both individuals can share their thoughts without being interrupted—which allows everyone to feel heard and less likely to feel like they’re being attacked.
You’ll increase receptiveness: By using this approach, you can help the other person more willingly engage openly and honestly with what you want to discuss—and this is a key factor in any successful conversation.
You’ll orchestrate better outcomes: When both parties are engaged and feel respected, both of you are more likely to reach a deeper understanding (and find a meaningful resolution!), which can lead to a stronger relationship and more successful outcomes in the future.
Never forget Henry Ford’s timeless words about bringing the right people together at the right time:
“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.”
By leaning in and using the right perfect preface at the right time, you can be assured that you’ll accomplish exactly what Ford was talking about.
