When Great Friends Aren’t
There’s Always An Exception To The Rule
Kids call them BFF’s.
Garth had them in low places.
John, Paul, George, and Ringo got by with their assistance.
So did Dionne and Elton, Andrew Gold, and Carole King.
Some people refer to them as besties, homies, and dawgs (what up G?).
And come to think of it, Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are still making fat stacks of cash off the re-runs alone.
Yes, we’re talking about friends.
Those wonderful, quirky, loyal people who make you smile brighter, laugh louder, and live better.
But just like everything in life, there’s always an exception to every rule.
And believe it or not, inviting close friends to serve on your board is one of those times.
In fact, to steal a quote from the kid who got gum in his hair and no prize in his cereal box (ON THE SAME DAY!), appointing friends to serve on your board is a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad idea.
Let’s dive in.
Five Reasons Why You Should NOT Invite Your Close Friends To Serve On Your Board
While it’s tempting and sometimes even necessary to turn to friends (especially when starting a nonprofit), both research and experience tell us that inviting friends to serve on your board is rarely a good idea.
Here are five reasons why.
#1. Friends impair your objectivity and lessen your accountability. Said differently, it’s a very difficult thing (translated impossible!) for friends to (a) hold each other accountable, (b) ask tough questions, and (c) act as independent evaluators of each other’s skills and responsibilities.
Not convinced?
In the last decade alone, there have been numerous published studies illuminating that friendship ties between directors and CEOs definitively impairs independence and compromises the nonprofit’s integrity.
#2. There is always the inevitability of disagreements. Take it from anyone who has ever lead a nonprofit board: professional disagreements are inevitable.
However, if your board member is a close friend, those disputes can negatively impact your personal relationship—and then, by default, the relationships with all your other directors as well.
#3. Friends rarely possess the skillset you need. Sure, your friends might be passionate, gifted, and talented people. But because they care more about you than they do about your charity, they rarely contribute to the organization’s growth in a meaningful fashion.
And for your donors, this is going to be a big, big, problem.
#4: Friends can have serious difficulty with boundaries. There’s no easy way to articulate this. If you put close friends on your board, they will struggle to separate their personal lives from your professional duties.
In fact, they’ll be the first to ask for special treatment (especially when it comes to attending meetings!). What’s more, they’ll also be the first to exit via a side-door when it comes to doing the actual work.
#5: Inviting friends to serve means making them your boss. To put it bluntly, this shift in power is not only awkward, but it can also be disastrous—especially if your friend(s) are inexperienced in organizational governance.
When Friends Can Work (With Caution)
It’s against my better judgement to say it, but there are those rare instances when appointing a friend to your board can indeed bear fruit.
But hear me loud and clear: these exceptions are rare.
In my experience, if you choose to ask close friend(s) to serve on your board, they absolutely must:
-share the vision,
-possess valuable and
-complementary skills,
-and be mature enough to “agree to disagree.”
Here’s a great way to think about this. Imagine you have a close friend that you think would be a great addition to your board.
Now imagine that, after joining the group, your charity experiences some seriously rough seas and starts taking on water.
Your major donors aren’t happy. Neither are some of your key staff members.
Is your friend going to be a director that you (and your other board members!) can look to as an indispensable resource? Can this person work side-by-side your most talented people and make a meaningful contribution?
But there’s more.
Will your friend do what’s necessary in taking the corrective action to help you “up your game?”
And now for the kicker. Can you take their advice? (Or will it be like swallowing a razor blade?)
If you can answer “yes” to the questions in this scenario, then the person might be a good fit.
Three Alternative Options for Close Friends
Instead of offering up a board seat, consider asking friends to:
Serve ex-officio on a sub-committee (e.g., fundraising, marketing). In fact, if your friend shines in this capacity, they might very well be a terrific addition to your board.
Act as a sounding board or professional advisor. Sometimes a close personal friend can act as a sounding board and/or offer your board a different way of thinking about an issue.
Again, if this goes well, board membership might just be in their future.
Volunteer or become a donor. Last but not least, before ever asking your friends to serve on your board, ask them to volunteer or donate.
Personally, I LOVE this approach.
In fact, if this is a problem for your friend, there’s absolutely no way on God’s green earth that this person will be a good fit on your board.
Extraordinary Impact
Never, ever forget that your charity’s board is the secret sauce in your recipe of success.
At a bare minimum, your directors serve as the legal, ethical, and strategic governing body that ensures:
-your mission get fulfilled,
-the organization stays financially solvent,
-and you remain in compliance with all legal requirements.
But your board is way, way, way more important than just this. Your board also provides you and your charity with the big, bold dream necessary to accomplish great things.
Because of this, you want to be very careful about the composition of this group.
This is why appointing friends can be a big no-no.
And for all the reasons I listed earlier, I implore you: do not go down this road!
Instead, create a board where each member is chosen not only for their unique talents, but also for their ability to dream big and execute brilliantly.
Oh, and one last thing. Choose board members who are believing difference-makers and have a BURNING desire to serve others.
If you do, you’ll never regret it.